By Julie St. Yves
As a foster parent, it can be difficult to remember why you started fostering when your kiddos are testing your limits. For some of you, they’ve already blown right past them! Your focus shifts to just getting through the day, every single day. You’re tired, exhausted, burnt out. You may even think to yourself, “Why did I agree to this??” I’m here to remind you of your compassionate heart, your patience, and your desire to make a difference in these kids’ lives!
I did some research on foster parents who have shared their “why” so hopefully you can all relate to them in some way. One commonality I found is the acknowledgment of how difficult being a foster parent is. No one is saying this is the easiest thing they have ever done. In fact, they all said it is the hardest thing they have ever done. One person said they are both the child’s “punching bag and bean bag” meaning they take all the “punches” and “blows” while remaining the safe and comfortable welcoming space of a bean bag chair.
These roles allow you to give a child the space to heal. Many of these children have been abused and have experienced anxiety, detachment, and anger. You may have started this journey to make changes in a child’s life, but feel discouraged when you don’t see the impact you are making. I can promise you this – though you may not see the fruit of your labor right this second, you are definitely making an impact on their future.
Being a foster parent requires patience, compassion, and understanding. You are teaching a child what a loving family is! Showing this child (or children, in some cases) what healthy relationships are and how to treat others with kindness, love, and respect is changing the course of a generation. You have the opportunity to help the child(ren) in your care to break the cycle by guiding them to make positive life changes. You are the calm to the storm their life has been leading up to the point they were placed with you.
No child is born bad. Children who had to be removed from their homes have been born into bad circumstances. You are providing better circumstances for them to thrive in. Another foster parent shared that the love a foster parent has for their foster child is essential to the child’s health, well-being, and future. He stated that, “Without this type of love, a love that does not judge and is forgiving, a foster child will not form necessary and healthy attachment with others, resulting in a number of attachment disorders.” (DeGarmo, 2017) I encourage you to read his article, “How Foster Parenting Has Changed Me” among others, below. Dr. DeGarmo also shared his experience of watching his foster child smile and laugh for the first time since entering his home after a life of abuse and neglect. He stated that laughter was healing for everyone in his household.
Many foster parents have stated that since fostering, they have learned to love more and love deeper. Others have added on to that, saying fostering has taught them patience and new ways of parenting. You are making a difference in their lives, and they are also making a difference in yours! You are needed and you are valued! And, you are stepping up in a way many others are not! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a constant support in these kids’ lives. Thank you for working so hard to provide the best life for them to the best of your abilities. And, thank you for the sacrifices you have made for these kids. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are a difference-maker!
