Central Missouri Foster Care & Adoption Association

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Tag: Mental Health

Spring Cleaning Mind Edition

The weather is finally getting warmer, the sun is shining bright, and the trees and grass are starting to get their color back! Spring is quickly approaching, which means it is declutter season! I don’t know about you, but I need to declutter my workspace and brain – papers and files are everywhere (in both spaces)! However, since the season of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is ending with longer days and more daylight, it is essential to reset your mind! Let’s wash our brain windows and let that sunlight in!

What does a cluttered mind consist of?

You may wonder, “How can I even tell if my mind is cluttered? I am plenty productive and have no issues remembering anything!” First of all, tell me your secrets because I can count on one finger the number of times (s) my mind has not felt cluttered! Anyways, your mind may be untidy if you can relate to any of these:

· Concentrating on negative thoughts

· Worrying about things out of your control

· Forgetting to complete things on your mental to-do list

· Overthinking

· Over-analyzing situations

· Anything that causes excessive or overwhelming thoughts, worries, or concerns fills your mind, making it difficult to focus, make decisions, or feel at peace.

How does a cluttered mind affect day-to-day activities?

Forbes.com puts it best: “Constantly allowing your mind to be cluttered causes mental disarray, distraction and disorder that hinders your ability to set priorities, make choices, maintain focus and be productive. You lose touch with yourself, your surroundings, your relationships, and the current moment when your mind is busy because you are not present.”

Sounds exhausting. That’s because it is! This can also result in feeling burnt out if you’re not feeling that already. So, what can we do? Say it with me – declutter our minds!

Ways to declutter!

Decluttering your mind will pull you out of the negative thought patterns and reach your maximum potential! Here are some ways to do that:

1. Get better sleep! That is easier said than done for me (and many of us). I have heard it is easier to fall asleep when you put your phone down and reduce screen time by about 30 minutes to an hour before bed. Also, following a bedtime routine relaxes your body to get good quality sleep!

2. Move! I mean, move your body, not move homes! Take a walk, however short or long you feel like! Go to the gym! Utilize your home gym! Release those endorphins!

3. Write it down! Make a to-do list, journal your feelings and thoughts, or draw if you feel artsy!

4. Declutter your surroundings! My brain often feels more cluttered when everything around me is cluttered, which is a problem because I have difficulty keeping my physical spaces clean and organized. I have found that there are ways that I organize that are different from “normalized” ways to organize, so you do you, boo!

5. Do less! I have an issue: I need to complete everything on my to-do list on the same day, so I wait until I have the motivation to complete everything all at once. The problem? That motivation NEVER comes because the tasks continue to build and build! Yikes! It also causes my mind to become overwhelmed and overloaded, so not even the most important things get done. I am slowly learning to pick a few things to do each day, making me feel calmer knowing that I have less to do the next day. Give it a shot!

Hopefully this will also help you to create healthy, sustainable habits while also reducing stress and anxiety. Take one day at a time, one little bit at a time! Here’s to a fresh start to a new season of feeling refreshed and positive!

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

Foster Parent Luncheon Recap

On Saturday, Nov. 11, the advocacy team at CMFCAA hosted a Foster Parent Luncheon. At this luncheon, we were able to discuss issues with permanency and get a better understanding of the Reasonable and Prudent Parent Standard. So many of our wonderful caregivers shared their concerns with children in care for more than the 22-month timeframe that Children’s Division states there should be. It makes sense why there are so many frustrations!

Every child deserves a home they feel they can “plant their roots” in. Our new Extreme Family Finding™ supervisor, Shannon McPherson, shed some light on why this can sometimes take longer than 22 months. When the case goal is reunification, the biological parents are given steps they can take to ensure proper care and safety for their children in the event they are returned home to them. Sometimes parents follow the plan, and others do not. For the parents that follow the plan, they sometimes “fall off the wagon” and that extends the time the case is open as they try to pick themselves back up again. McPherson encouraged our caregivers to be mindful of how the experience of their children being removed has affected the biological parents. She shared a story of one mom missing the first few months of visits with her biological son because she was so filled with guilt that he had been removed that she could not face him. McPherson also said some parents do not want to be parents, but are still given the opportunity to change their ways within that 22 months by Children’s Division.

It can be very difficult to watch the child in your care experience all the emotions, and trauma in some cases, when they are working the reunification plan. However, as hard as it is, we need to try our hardest to not villainize the biological parents because this experience was traumatic for them as well. Being consistently loving and consistently caring for the child (or children) in your care during this experience is exactly what they are needing until permanency can take place!

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

Champions of Change

Let’s talk about something challenging: change. Have you ever realized that the word “change” is within the word “challenge?” It’s pretty fitting, honestly. Change happens all around us all the time, so why is it sometimes so difficult to experience it? Change is hard because it results in our normal being disrupted. What we were comfortable with is no longer happening, what was expected is now unexpected, and everything seems to be full of unknowns. There are so many situations in which change is brought about, such as moving out of your parents’ house, moving states, getting married, getting a new job, getting a new boss, learning new policies that weren’t there before, and growing your family – whether that be through childbirth or accepting a new placement. When you accept a child to come into your home, both of you are going through a lot of change at the same time. The child was just removed from everything they have ever known, and even though it is for the best in the long run, they may not see it that way right off the bat. You went from having either no children or fewer children in your home to having a child there without having the typical nine months a birth parent has to prepare for that child. That is a major change! That child (or children) will change your life – positively or negatively. Even the challenging ones will change your life in such a way that will teach you life lessons you didn’t even know you needed, leading to your personal growth.

Change brings growth as we learn new things that help us develop our skills, expanding the capabilities that we have inside of us all along. When we embrace change, we learn how to become more adaptable and flexible. Our strengths are exposed as we wrestle through the discomfort of unlearning the comfortable and learning the new normal. However, change is not always going to be positive. There are going to be setbacks, and that’s okay! It is important to identify the change that is happening and the emotions that come along with it. It is normal to feel frustrated after you have tried everything with the kiddo in your home and their behaviors don’t seem to be getting better. It is normal to feel stressed when changes in your job make you question your capabilities or job security. It is normal to feel angry when what was normal is now disrupted and you can’t figure out how to make it better. Embracing change is hard! There are, however, ways to make it easier on yourself.

Embracing change starts with a positive mindset. Everything will always seem negative if the negative is all you are looking for. Instead of saying, “Their behaviors are so out of control, I don’t even want to be around them anymore,” try saying, “They have been through a lot, and so have I. This is going to take some time. It’s okay for me to take a break. I may need to take a different approach.” Instead of thinking, “These changes are pointless, everything was great before [blank] happened and caused all this uncertainty,” try thinking, “I’m interested in seeing what skills I will develop and what opportunities are presented to me from this.” If you expect positives, you will see positives!

Give yourself grace! Unlearning your old habits and routines to develop new ones takes time and work. See if you can find a support system for individuals going through something similar to you. I can guarantee you are not the only one experiencing changes in your home life, work life, or both at the same time! A support system will help you realize you are not alone in your experiences and your feelings with said changes. Be wary of the people who will pull you deeper into the resistance of change. It is very important to encourage one another to keep pushing forward towards embracing change!

Finally, tell yourself positive affirmations! Affirmations aid in challenging negative thoughts and behaviors. Here are some you may want to try:

• I have the power and strength to overcome obstacles.

• I believe I have what it takes to succeed.

• I am filled with goodness and kindness.

• Forgiving others helps me move forward.

• I am determined to live each day to the fullest.

• I am excited about the opportunities coming my way.

• I inspire those around me with my actions.

• I release fear and embrace joy.

• I have unlimited potential.

• No matter what happens, I will be okay.

You can do this! Remember that change takes time. We live in a world of immediate gratification, and it is so easy to get caught up in the thought that success happens overnight. I encourage you tostick with it and persevere! You are a champion of change!

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

The uncomfortable “unknowns” of caregiving

Being a foster, adoptive, kinship, or guardianship caregiver means you are all too familiar with the uncomfortable feeling of the “unknowns” in parenting. Your life can change in an evening when you take on new kiddos. The plan for the case can change in an instant. And, waiting for a final adoption hearing can take what feels like decades. The caseworkers can’t ever give you a definite answer, mostly because they aren’t sure either and because nothing is ever promised. When you are a planner, or your kiddos are craving permanency, it can be so hard to be stuck in that “unknown” with them. 

Not knowing can be scary

As a person with anxiety, I am someone who loves being in control of the situations around me. I’m also one of those people who would totally read the book on what the rest of my life is going to look like if that was a thing. In other words, I understand how hard it can be to not know what is coming next. It can be nerve wracking to not have a plan or a black-and-white flow chart to follow with all possible outcomes already laid out. 

As a caregiver, there is so much that you cannot control. There are so many decisions that you might not even get to be a part of. The only thing promised is the moment you are currently in. Until you reach the end of a case, there is no certainty of what is going to happen. And, even then, reunification can mean coping with the joy but also the grief when kiddos are reunited with their birth parents. Or, adoption can mean the joy of kiddo being yours forever, but also seeing the hurt of them knowing they are never going “home.” 

A caregiver with questions

And, as the children grow and things change, what questions will they have about their birth family? What if they want to seek them out some day? Will they see all of the love and hard work and dedication we have given to them to help them be their best selves? Will the kiddos remember us after returning home to their mom and dad? How can I be sure that they continue to feel our love?  

All of your concerns and worries and fears are so incredibly valid. You wouldn’t worry about the future of the kids in your care if you didn’t truly and fully care for their wellbeing. Loving them is such an easy thing to do, but the idea of letting them go…incredibly hard, even if it is the best thing for them. Or, wanting to get your hopes up that they might be yours forever, but still having four months until the court date to determine if that is really the case.  

Coping with the “unknowns”

So, I want to share with you some things that you can do to help yourself while in this gray area, this teeter-totter of caregiving, and this big and scary “unknown.” 

Take a deep breath.

Like, right now. Stop what you are doing. Put both feet on the ground, unclench your jaw, and sit still. Breathe in through your nose and count 1…2…3…4. Hold it. Breathe out through your mouth like you’re blowing bubbles…1…2…3…4. Lower your shoulders just a bit. Repeat this a few times, then say to yourself, “I can do this.” Because you can, and you will.  

Step outside of yourself for a minute.

Think about the case. Think about the children. What is best for them? Remind yourself why you became a caregiver in the first place. Consider all of your kiddo’s hopes and dreams and how you can best support them. Look at the case from a different perspective, keeping the child in the center.  

Know that you are not alone.

Talk to someone. Find another caregiver to talk to. Likely, they’ve experienced similar feelings before. Join a Facebook group, hop on a Zoom call with us, or come to an in-person support group. Talk to another parent at a respite event, or maybe even a therapist. There is no shame in talking about your worries and fears for your kiddos. Holding it all in isn’t helpful. 

Smile. Big.

Say to yourself, “I am doing the best that I can, and that is enough.” Say it again if you have to.

CMFCAA’s Advocacy Team is here for you.

Again, we know that being a foster, adoptive, kinship, or guardianship caregiver can be so exciting and rewarding, and that it also comes with many questions and challenges. Our goal is to help walk your journey with you and help answer some of those questions you may have. We are here for you to be that extra support, to lift burdens, and to help you navigate it all. Being a caregiver is hard work. We want you to know that we see you and we are here for you. Visit our Advocacy page for more information about us.

Reagan Sullivan, the Mental Health Advocate for CMFCAA's Advocacy program can help you figure out how to navigate your child's panic attack. Email her at reagan@mofosteradopt.com or 573.469.8173

**This is not to be considered professional advice. Please seek help with a professional licensed counselor or social worker to find what works best for you and your family.**

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: advocacy, Mental Health, support group

Radical Acceptance: C’est La Vie

C’est la vie is a French saying that means “That’s life.” It is a phrase of acceptance or tolerance for things being the way they are. In other words, radical acceptance.

Accepting this weather

Lately, this winter weather has been less than favorable. I mean, really – it has been rainy, cold, gloomy and grey, and the sun has been setting way before many of us are even home to enjoy the evening.

Now, we can look at this and say “I hate winter. It isn’t fair that I live in Missouri where the weather is everchanging.” “Why does it have to be winter?” or maybe “I refuse to accept this weather. In my head, I’m on a beach in Mexico getting tan.” But, what good is this thinking serving us? How is it helping us to deal with the winter weather?

What if, instead, we said, “It is cold outside, and that sucks.” Or “I don’t like this weather. I understand that it is just another season, it is necessary, and it will pass.” Here, we chose to accept that winter is a thing (a wild thing here in Missouri) and that we cannot do anything about it. We didn’t agree to like winter, but we fully acknowledged it for what it is.

You don’t have to like it.

I’m not saying that you have to like winter, go play in the snow, or give up your dream of being on a beach in Mexico sometime soon. I’m just asking you to consider accepting the weather for what it is. Winter is a season, a part of our environment and ecosystem, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

We could keep fighting it or denying it or ignoring it, but what good is that? I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather say, “Yup, it is cold outside” and put on a coat to keep warm rather than refusing to accept the temperature and wearing shorts outside instead. Accepting the weather and preparing for it sounds much better than trying to force my idea of reality (such as dreaming of sunny and 75) onto something I cannot change.

Radical Acceptance: It’s a good thing

What I am getting at here is that there is this concept known as radical acceptance. It is a distress tolerance skill that is a part of DBT, or dialectical behavior therapy. It is meant to help people deal with intense emotions in a more productive, purposeful, and meaningful way.

Basically, what radical acceptance says is that we can work to totally and thoroughly accept the reality of life’s situations for what they are or what they mean (in a sense that we cannot control the world around us). Again, it isn’t to say that we have to like or approve of what is happening or has happened, but just that we are choosing to accept that it did happen or that life really is this way right now, and to not sit or get stuck in unhappy thoughts. That fighting the reality of a situation just takes up more energy, is exhausting, and doesn’t change what happened.

It means that we stay conscious of how we interpret information and that we don’t use up our energy on things we simply cannot control. Basically, that we start off with the thought of “It is what it is” or “c’est la vie.”

Accepting your reality

Once we can accept reality for what it is, we can truly start to work toward changing our lives for the better. Just like how we can look at the weather, accept that it is cold, and put on a coat, we can look at our mental health, for example, and say, “Yeah, I am struggling,” and then choose to get help. We can’t move forward in life if we are stuck in the anger, denial, and suffering. It allows us to shift our focus to the things we can control and make meaningful differences in our own lives.

We cannot change the past, and we cannot ignore it to make it go away. But we can choose to accept it, move forward with that information (maybe even take time to process it first), and have a new perspective toward the present and future. Practicing radical acceptance can help you to stop unhelpful thoughts and to free yourself of some of the awful feelings of “should’ve” “would’ve” “could’ve.”

I know this isn’t an easy concept to take on, but it is doable. With practice, intention, and mindfulness, we can work to reframe our thinking. And, start to move on without staying stuck in the intense emotions of things we cannot control. Life can be incredibly difficult sometimes. And, when bad things happen, those feelings are intense. I know. And I’m not saying to ignore or downplay your reality. I challenge you to accept it for what it is and utilize your energy in a way that helps you to move forward. You can do this. I believe in you.

CMFCAA’s Advocacy Team is here for you.

We know that sometimes things are too much to handle or just accept. Sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you need need some help. We are here for you to be that extra support, to lift burdens, and to help you navigate it all. Being a foster/adoptive/kinship caregiver is hard work. We want you to know that we see you and we are here for you. Visit our Advocacy page for more information about us.

Reagan Sullivan, the Mental Health Advocate for CMFCAA's Advocacy program can help you figure out how to navigate your child's panic attack. Email her at reagan@mofosteradopt.com or 573.469.8173

**This is not to be considered professional advice. Please seek help with a professional licensed counselor or social worker to find what works best for you and your family.**

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

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  • About
    • About CMFCAA
    • Meet Our Teams
    • eMagazine
    • Join our Mailing List
    • FY 2024 annual report
    • Blog
    • Privacy Policy & Terms of Use
  • Programs
    • Family Development Training
    • Family Advocacy
    • 30 Days to Family®
    • Extreme Family Finding™
    • Community Connections Youth Project (CCYP) ®
    • Kinship Navigators
    • Direct Services
    • Preservation & Prevention
    • Odyssey respite events
    • Respite Exchange
    • A Family For Me
  • Partnership Resources
    • Special Request
    • Free Transportion
    • IDENTOGO Fingerprinting
    • Camp Opportunities
    • Point View Resort
    • Helpful Links
  • Get Involved
    • Become a Foster Parent
    • Become a Respite Provider
    • Become a Volunteer
    • Become a Board Member
    • Give to CMFCAA
  • Event RSVP
    • Next Steps Conference
    • Backyard BBQ Bash
    • Calendar
    • Odyssey Care Packs
    • Odyssey Events
    • Six Flags Ticket Giveaway 2025
  • CAREERS
  • Contact

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