Central Missouri Foster Care & Adoption Association

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Category: Mental Health Corner

Spring Cleaning Mind Edition

The weather is finally getting warmer, the sun is shining bright, and the trees and grass are starting to get their color back! Spring is quickly approaching, which means it is declutter season! I don’t know about you, but I need to declutter my workspace and brain – papers and files are everywhere (in both spaces)! However, since the season of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is ending with longer days and more daylight, it is essential to reset your mind! Let’s wash our brain windows and let that sunlight in!

What does a cluttered mind consist of?

You may wonder, “How can I even tell if my mind is cluttered? I am plenty productive and have no issues remembering anything!” First of all, tell me your secrets because I can count on one finger the number of times (s) my mind has not felt cluttered! Anyways, your mind may be untidy if you can relate to any of these:

· Concentrating on negative thoughts

· Worrying about things out of your control

· Forgetting to complete things on your mental to-do list

· Overthinking

· Over-analyzing situations

· Anything that causes excessive or overwhelming thoughts, worries, or concerns fills your mind, making it difficult to focus, make decisions, or feel at peace.

How does a cluttered mind affect day-to-day activities?

Forbes.com puts it best: “Constantly allowing your mind to be cluttered causes mental disarray, distraction and disorder that hinders your ability to set priorities, make choices, maintain focus and be productive. You lose touch with yourself, your surroundings, your relationships, and the current moment when your mind is busy because you are not present.”

Sounds exhausting. That’s because it is! This can also result in feeling burnt out if you’re not feeling that already. So, what can we do? Say it with me – declutter our minds!

Ways to declutter!

Decluttering your mind will pull you out of the negative thought patterns and reach your maximum potential! Here are some ways to do that:

1. Get better sleep! That is easier said than done for me (and many of us). I have heard it is easier to fall asleep when you put your phone down and reduce screen time by about 30 minutes to an hour before bed. Also, following a bedtime routine relaxes your body to get good quality sleep!

2. Move! I mean, move your body, not move homes! Take a walk, however short or long you feel like! Go to the gym! Utilize your home gym! Release those endorphins!

3. Write it down! Make a to-do list, journal your feelings and thoughts, or draw if you feel artsy!

4. Declutter your surroundings! My brain often feels more cluttered when everything around me is cluttered, which is a problem because I have difficulty keeping my physical spaces clean and organized. I have found that there are ways that I organize that are different from “normalized” ways to organize, so you do you, boo!

5. Do less! I have an issue: I need to complete everything on my to-do list on the same day, so I wait until I have the motivation to complete everything all at once. The problem? That motivation NEVER comes because the tasks continue to build and build! Yikes! It also causes my mind to become overwhelmed and overloaded, so not even the most important things get done. I am slowly learning to pick a few things to do each day, making me feel calmer knowing that I have less to do the next day. Give it a shot!

Hopefully this will also help you to create healthy, sustainable habits while also reducing stress and anxiety. Take one day at a time, one little bit at a time! Here’s to a fresh start to a new season of feeling refreshed and positive!

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

Foster Parent Luncheon Recap

On Saturday, Nov. 11, the advocacy team at CMFCAA hosted a Foster Parent Luncheon. At this luncheon, we were able to discuss issues with permanency and get a better understanding of the Reasonable and Prudent Parent Standard. So many of our wonderful caregivers shared their concerns with children in care for more than the 22-month timeframe that Children’s Division states there should be. It makes sense why there are so many frustrations!

Every child deserves a home they feel they can “plant their roots” in. Our new Extreme Family Finding™ supervisor, Shannon McPherson, shed some light on why this can sometimes take longer than 22 months. When the case goal is reunification, the biological parents are given steps they can take to ensure proper care and safety for their children in the event they are returned home to them. Sometimes parents follow the plan, and others do not. For the parents that follow the plan, they sometimes “fall off the wagon” and that extends the time the case is open as they try to pick themselves back up again. McPherson encouraged our caregivers to be mindful of how the experience of their children being removed has affected the biological parents. She shared a story of one mom missing the first few months of visits with her biological son because she was so filled with guilt that he had been removed that she could not face him. McPherson also said some parents do not want to be parents, but are still given the opportunity to change their ways within that 22 months by Children’s Division.

It can be very difficult to watch the child in your care experience all the emotions, and trauma in some cases, when they are working the reunification plan. However, as hard as it is, we need to try our hardest to not villainize the biological parents because this experience was traumatic for them as well. Being consistently loving and consistently caring for the child (or children) in your care during this experience is exactly what they are needing until permanency can take place!

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

Champions of Change

Let’s talk about something challenging: change. Have you ever realized that the word “change” is within the word “challenge?” It’s pretty fitting, honestly. Change happens all around us all the time, so why is it sometimes so difficult to experience it? Change is hard because it results in our normal being disrupted. What we were comfortable with is no longer happening, what was expected is now unexpected, and everything seems to be full of unknowns. There are so many situations in which change is brought about, such as moving out of your parents’ house, moving states, getting married, getting a new job, getting a new boss, learning new policies that weren’t there before, and growing your family – whether that be through childbirth or accepting a new placement. When you accept a child to come into your home, both of you are going through a lot of change at the same time. The child was just removed from everything they have ever known, and even though it is for the best in the long run, they may not see it that way right off the bat. You went from having either no children or fewer children in your home to having a child there without having the typical nine months a birth parent has to prepare for that child. That is a major change! That child (or children) will change your life – positively or negatively. Even the challenging ones will change your life in such a way that will teach you life lessons you didn’t even know you needed, leading to your personal growth.

Change brings growth as we learn new things that help us develop our skills, expanding the capabilities that we have inside of us all along. When we embrace change, we learn how to become more adaptable and flexible. Our strengths are exposed as we wrestle through the discomfort of unlearning the comfortable and learning the new normal. However, change is not always going to be positive. There are going to be setbacks, and that’s okay! It is important to identify the change that is happening and the emotions that come along with it. It is normal to feel frustrated after you have tried everything with the kiddo in your home and their behaviors don’t seem to be getting better. It is normal to feel stressed when changes in your job make you question your capabilities or job security. It is normal to feel angry when what was normal is now disrupted and you can’t figure out how to make it better. Embracing change is hard! There are, however, ways to make it easier on yourself.

Embracing change starts with a positive mindset. Everything will always seem negative if the negative is all you are looking for. Instead of saying, “Their behaviors are so out of control, I don’t even want to be around them anymore,” try saying, “They have been through a lot, and so have I. This is going to take some time. It’s okay for me to take a break. I may need to take a different approach.” Instead of thinking, “These changes are pointless, everything was great before [blank] happened and caused all this uncertainty,” try thinking, “I’m interested in seeing what skills I will develop and what opportunities are presented to me from this.” If you expect positives, you will see positives!

Give yourself grace! Unlearning your old habits and routines to develop new ones takes time and work. See if you can find a support system for individuals going through something similar to you. I can guarantee you are not the only one experiencing changes in your home life, work life, or both at the same time! A support system will help you realize you are not alone in your experiences and your feelings with said changes. Be wary of the people who will pull you deeper into the resistance of change. It is very important to encourage one another to keep pushing forward towards embracing change!

Finally, tell yourself positive affirmations! Affirmations aid in challenging negative thoughts and behaviors. Here are some you may want to try:

• I have the power and strength to overcome obstacles.

• I believe I have what it takes to succeed.

• I am filled with goodness and kindness.

• Forgiving others helps me move forward.

• I am determined to live each day to the fullest.

• I am excited about the opportunities coming my way.

• I inspire those around me with my actions.

• I release fear and embrace joy.

• I have unlimited potential.

• No matter what happens, I will be okay.

You can do this! Remember that change takes time. We live in a world of immediate gratification, and it is so easy to get caught up in the thought that success happens overnight. I encourage you tostick with it and persevere! You are a champion of change!

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: Mental Health

7 Ways CMFCAA’s Advocacy Team can help you  

As CMFCAA’s newest program, we understand that many still don’t quite know what we do. While our team could talk for hours about the way we’ve fought for children in our community, we wanted to offer a short list that we feel sums us up pretty well.   

CMFCAA Advocacy Team

We will listen.   

We know it is hard, we know you are exhausted, and we know that many times, you feel completely alone. When it all gets too heavy to hold on your own, we are here for you.   

We can help find resources.  

Too busy to call around and find therapists that take SMHK insurance? Need some after-school activities or summer camps but have no idea where to look? Maybe you are looking for financial support for something specific. We will work to find any opportunities in your area that may be right for you.   

We can educate.   

Caring for a child with RAD for the first time? Confused about the process of acute care and bringing your child back home? Frustrated that the child’s case isn’t going how you expected? We can help provide information to get you through.   

We can empower.   

You are smart, brave, determined, and more capable than you know. Sometimes you just need that extra person in your ear to say, “You’re doing the best you can, and that is enough.”   

We can speak up.

No one is perfect and sometimes mistakes happen. Grace is incredibly important. But, we understand that sometimes things fall through the cracks and things don’t work out like you thought. Maybe you feel you aren’t being heard or you feel that your child’s well-being is not being advocated for. We can speak up and be a voice for the child.   

We can support.   

Sometimes you know exactly what you need to do or what you need to say, but you’re doubting yourself just a little or just want someone on “your side of the table.” No problem – we are here for you.   

We will connect.   

We host numerous support groups each month that you can sign up for and meet other caregivers in your area. It takes a village to raise children, and we want to ensure you feel a part of our village throughout Mid-MO.   

CMFCAA’s Advocacy Team

We understand that being a foster, adoptive, kinship, or guardianship caregiver can be so exciting and rewarding, and that it also comes with many questions and challenges. Our goal is to help walk your journey with you and help answer some of those questions you may have. We are here for you to be that extra support, to lift burdens, and to help you navigate it all. Being a caregiver is hard work. We want you to know that we see you and we are here for you. Visit our Advocacy page for more information about us.

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner

The uncomfortable “unknowns” of caregiving

Being a foster, adoptive, kinship, or guardianship caregiver means you are all too familiar with the uncomfortable feeling of the “unknowns” in parenting. Your life can change in an evening when you take on new kiddos. The plan for the case can change in an instant. And, waiting for a final adoption hearing can take what feels like decades. The caseworkers can’t ever give you a definite answer, mostly because they aren’t sure either and because nothing is ever promised. When you are a planner, or your kiddos are craving permanency, it can be so hard to be stuck in that “unknown” with them. 

Not knowing can be scary

As a person with anxiety, I am someone who loves being in control of the situations around me. I’m also one of those people who would totally read the book on what the rest of my life is going to look like if that was a thing. In other words, I understand how hard it can be to not know what is coming next. It can be nerve wracking to not have a plan or a black-and-white flow chart to follow with all possible outcomes already laid out. 

As a caregiver, there is so much that you cannot control. There are so many decisions that you might not even get to be a part of. The only thing promised is the moment you are currently in. Until you reach the end of a case, there is no certainty of what is going to happen. And, even then, reunification can mean coping with the joy but also the grief when kiddos are reunited with their birth parents. Or, adoption can mean the joy of kiddo being yours forever, but also seeing the hurt of them knowing they are never going “home.” 

A caregiver with questions

And, as the children grow and things change, what questions will they have about their birth family? What if they want to seek them out some day? Will they see all of the love and hard work and dedication we have given to them to help them be their best selves? Will the kiddos remember us after returning home to their mom and dad? How can I be sure that they continue to feel our love?  

All of your concerns and worries and fears are so incredibly valid. You wouldn’t worry about the future of the kids in your care if you didn’t truly and fully care for their wellbeing. Loving them is such an easy thing to do, but the idea of letting them go…incredibly hard, even if it is the best thing for them. Or, wanting to get your hopes up that they might be yours forever, but still having four months until the court date to determine if that is really the case.  

Coping with the “unknowns”

So, I want to share with you some things that you can do to help yourself while in this gray area, this teeter-totter of caregiving, and this big and scary “unknown.” 

Take a deep breath.

Like, right now. Stop what you are doing. Put both feet on the ground, unclench your jaw, and sit still. Breathe in through your nose and count 1…2…3…4. Hold it. Breathe out through your mouth like you’re blowing bubbles…1…2…3…4. Lower your shoulders just a bit. Repeat this a few times, then say to yourself, “I can do this.” Because you can, and you will.  

Step outside of yourself for a minute.

Think about the case. Think about the children. What is best for them? Remind yourself why you became a caregiver in the first place. Consider all of your kiddo’s hopes and dreams and how you can best support them. Look at the case from a different perspective, keeping the child in the center.  

Know that you are not alone.

Talk to someone. Find another caregiver to talk to. Likely, they’ve experienced similar feelings before. Join a Facebook group, hop on a Zoom call with us, or come to an in-person support group. Talk to another parent at a respite event, or maybe even a therapist. There is no shame in talking about your worries and fears for your kiddos. Holding it all in isn’t helpful. 

Smile. Big.

Say to yourself, “I am doing the best that I can, and that is enough.” Say it again if you have to.

CMFCAA’s Advocacy Team is here for you.

Again, we know that being a foster, adoptive, kinship, or guardianship caregiver can be so exciting and rewarding, and that it also comes with many questions and challenges. Our goal is to help walk your journey with you and help answer some of those questions you may have. We are here for you to be that extra support, to lift burdens, and to help you navigate it all. Being a caregiver is hard work. We want you to know that we see you and we are here for you. Visit our Advocacy page for more information about us.

Reagan Sullivan, the Mental Health Advocate for CMFCAA's Advocacy program can help you figure out how to navigate your child's panic attack. Email her at reagan@mofosteradopt.com or 573.469.8173

**This is not to be considered professional advice. Please seek help with a professional licensed counselor or social worker to find what works best for you and your family.**

Filed Under: Mental Health Corner Tagged With: advocacy, Mental Health, support group

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573-298-0258


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  • About
    • About CMFCAA
    • Meet Our Teams
    • eMagazine
    • Join our Mailing List
    • FY 2024 annual report
    • Blog
    • Privacy Policy & Terms of Use
  • Programs
    • Family Development Training
    • Family Advocacy
    • 30 Days to Family®
    • Extreme Family Finding™
    • Community Connections Youth Project (CCYP) ®
    • Kinship Navigators
    • Direct Services
    • Preservation & Prevention
    • Odyssey respite events
    • Respite Exchange
    • A Family For Me
  • Partnership Resources
    • Special Request
    • Free Transportion
    • IDENTOGO Fingerprinting
    • Camp Opportunities
    • Point View Resort
    • Helpful Links
  • Get Involved
    • Become a Foster Parent
    • Become a Respite Provider
    • Become a Volunteer
    • Become a Board Member
    • Give to CMFCAA
  • Event RSVP
    • Next Steps Conference
    • Backyard BBQ Bash
    • Calendar
    • Odyssey Care Packs
    • Odyssey Events
    • Six Flags Ticket Giveaway 2025
  • CAREERS
  • Contact

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