Mental Health Corner

Someone to call. A place to belong.

Someone to cheer from the sidelines. A refrigerator to raid during a visit home from college. Someone to text when the check engine light comes on.

These are some of the ways Shannon McPherson describes what family can mean as a child grows into adulthood. The big milestones matter, but so do the ordinary moments of knowing someone will be there.

For young people who have spent years in foster care, that future can feel uncertain. At Central Missouri Foster Care & Adoption Association, Extreme Family Finding® works to help children find a permanent family and reconnect with people who can be part of their lives for years to come.

Finding a family for the future

When returning to their parents is no longer possible, children need another path to a permanent home. Extreme Family Finding, or EFF, searches nationwide for living relatives while also identifying other families who may be a good fit for adoption.

“Our biggest fear is to find an adoptive placement and later learn a relative would have been open to adopting their child relative had they been notified,” said McPherson, CMFCAA’s Extreme Family Finding Supervisor.

That is why the team makes a thorough search and tries different ways to reach relatives. At the same time, looking beyond relatives gives children additional possibilities for a permanent family.

EFF brings those options to the child’s Family Support Team, which decides on an adoptive or guardianship family. The children served are often age 10 or older. The program also works with sibling groups and children with physical or mental health needs.

Keeping the child part of the process

The search begins with getting to know the child. What kind of family do they hope to grow up in? Who do they miss? Who has made them feel cared for?

A young person’s answers help guide the work. McPherson said children are always part of the process, including conversations about whether a possible family feels like a good fit.

Those conversations can also lead the team to people a child has lost touch with: a Girl Scout leader who believed in them, a school nurse who offered comfort or an extended family member they remember fondly.

Moving into foster care can mean losing everyday contact with siblings, cousins, friends and familiar routines. Reconnecting with safe, supportive people can help a child keep a connection to their own history and to the relationships that matter to them.

Taking time to build safe relationships

An interested relative or prospective adoptive family does not automatically have contact with a child. The team considers safety, background information and the child’s wishes before communication or visits begin. Relatives seeking contact undergo background checks, and those hoping to host visits receive home safety walkthroughs.

“Sometimes love and safety are not the same thing,” McPherson said.

Once a family is selected, EFF helps both the child and the family prepare. The team manages the transition, locates therapeutic services and supports them as they get to know one another and build trust. EFF stays involved until adoption or guardianship is reached and the child leaves foster care.

McPherson also wants people to understand that children do not have to resolve every struggle before they can belong to a permanent family. Uncertainty and fear can affect how children cope. A consistent, loving home, along with the right support, can help them begin to feel secure.

Support that continues into adulthood

For EFF, success means a child leaves foster care with a permanent family. Along the way, reconnecting with other caring adults can give that young person more people to turn to, whether they need help, encouragement or someone to share good news with.

“Like everyone, they need someone to talk to when they have had a hard day or are celebrating a big win,” McPherson said.

Those needs continue long after childhood. Every young person deserves the chance to grow up knowing they have people who will keep showing up.

Learn more about Extreme Family Finding at mofosteradopt.com/eff

A Royal Celebration of Permanency

By Lynn Burnside, CMFCAA Adoption Program Manager

Every child deserves to know that they are important, valued, and worthy of celebration. On September 12, 2026, Central Missouri Foster Care and Adoption Association (CMFCAA) had the privilege of doing just that.

At Camden on the Lake, children and families gathered for a very special Royal Celebration honoring children who had achieved permanency after previously experiencing foster care or kinship care without a permanent family connection. For these children and families, permanency represents more than a change in legal status—it represents belonging, connection, security, and the opportunity to move forward together as a family.

The Royal Celebration was the result of a year of planning and collaboration among four CMFCAA programs: Advocacy, Extreme Family Finding (EFF), Kinship, and 30 Days to Family. Each program brings a unique perspective and set of resources to children and families, but they came together around one shared purpose: to celebrate families and the successes they worked so hard to achieve.

Every Child Was Royal

The theme of the celebration was simple: every child is royalty.

Children were invited to dress as the princes and princesses they are, while CMFCAA staff joined in the celebration by dressing as kings, queens, and princesses. This was more than a fun theme. It was an intentional way to communicate to each child that they mattered and that their story was worth celebrating.

Throughout the morning, children were able to create their own royal treasures. Activities included making shields, decorating treasure boxes, designing crowns, and creating capes. Families also participated in games and activities such as archery and dragon jousting.

But perhaps the most meaningful part of the day was watching families simply enjoy being together.

Parents participated alongside their children, helping with crafts, playing games, and encouraging their children throughout the celebration. Families also interacted with and encouraged other families, creating an atmosphere where parents and children could connect with people who understood parts of their journey.

CMFCAA staff were not simply event organizers. They became part of the celebration. Staff played games with the children, helped with crafts, interacted with parents, and served food. By participating alongside the families, staff helped create an environment where families could feel welcomed, valued, and celebrated.

Creating a Community of Belonging

One of the most powerful outcomes of the Royal Celebration was the response from the children.

Families shared that each child felt as though the party had been held just for them. Children reported having a wonderful time and were already asking when the next celebration would take place.

Those comments capture something incredibly important.

For children who have experienced foster care, kinship care, uncertainty, and changes in family relationships, being intentionally celebrated can carry tremendous meaning. A celebration like this provides an opportunity for children to experience something they may not always have had: a room full of people recognizing their accomplishments and telling them, through words and actions, “Your family matters. Your journey matters. You matter.”

The celebration also demonstrated the importance of building communities for families after permanency is achieved.

Permanency is a tremendous accomplishment, but it does not mean that families no longer need support, encouragement, or connection. Families benefit from having opportunities to meet others who have experienced similar journeys, celebrate milestones together, share encouragement, and build relationships that can continue beyond a single event.

Celebrating Success Together

At CMFCAA, our work is centered around helping children and families navigate difficult circumstances and move toward stronger, more permanent family relationships. The Royal Celebration gave us an opportunity to pause from the day-to-day work and celebrate what families had accomplished.

The event reminded us that success deserves to be celebrated.

Too often, the focus surrounding foster care and child welfare is placed on crisis, challenges, and the things that still need to be accomplished. Those things are important, but families also deserve moments where the focus is on what they have achieved.

They deserve to celebrate the child who found permanency.

They deserve to celebrate the parent who continued to show up.

They deserve to celebrate the family connections that were rebuilt.

They deserve to celebrate the journey from uncertainty to belonging.

And they deserve to celebrate together.

The Royal Celebration was made possible because four CMFCAA programs worked together toward a common goal. Advocacy, Extreme Family Finding, Kinship, and 30 Days to Family each played a role in creating an experience that centered families and their successes.

Looking Toward the Future

The Royal Celebration was more than a single day of crafts, games, costumes, and food. It was an opportunity to build community and remind families that they are not alone after permanency.

The hope is that celebrations like this can become part of a larger culture of encouragement—one where families have opportunities to celebrate their accomplishments, develop relationships with other families, and continue building a network of support.

Because permanency is not the end of a family’s story.

It is the beginning of a new chapter.

And every new chapter deserves to be celebrated.

CMFCAA is honored to have celebrated these royal families and to have witnessed the joy, connection, and pride that filled the room. We look forward to continuing to create opportunities where children and families can come together, encourage one another, and celebrate the successes that make all of the hard work worthwhile.

Every child deserves a family. Every family deserves support. And every success deserves a celebration.

Spring Cleaning Mind Edition

The weather is finally getting warmer, the sun is shining bright, and the trees and grass are starting to get their color back! Spring is quickly approaching, which means it is declutter season! I don’t know about you, but I need to declutter my workspace and brain – papers and files are everywhere (in both spaces)! However, since the season of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is ending with longer days and more daylight, it is essential to reset your mind! Let’s wash our brain windows and let that sunlight in!

What does a cluttered mind consist of?

You may wonder, “How can I even tell if my mind is cluttered? I am plenty productive and have no issues remembering anything!” First of all, tell me your secrets because I can count on one finger the number of times (s) my mind has not felt cluttered! Anyways, your mind may be untidy if you can relate to any of these:

· Concentrating on negative thoughts

· Worrying about things out of your control

· Forgetting to complete things on your mental to-do list

· Overthinking

· Over-analyzing situations

· Anything that causes excessive or overwhelming thoughts, worries, or concerns fills your mind, making it difficult to focus, make decisions, or feel at peace.

How does a cluttered mind affect day-to-day activities?

Forbes.com puts it best: “Constantly allowing your mind to be cluttered causes mental disarray, distraction and disorder that hinders your ability to set priorities, make choices, maintain focus and be productive. You lose touch with yourself, your surroundings, your relationships, and the current moment when your mind is busy because you are not present.”

Sounds exhausting. That’s because it is! This can also result in feeling burnt out if you’re not feeling that already. So, what can we do? Say it with me – declutter our minds!

Ways to declutter!

Decluttering your mind will pull you out of the negative thought patterns and reach your maximum potential! Here are some ways to do that:

1. Get better sleep! That is easier said than done for me (and many of us). I have heard it is easier to fall asleep when you put your phone down and reduce screen time by about 30 minutes to an hour before bed. Also, following a bedtime routine relaxes your body to get good quality sleep!

2. Move! I mean, move your body, not move homes! Take a walk, however short or long you feel like! Go to the gym! Utilize your home gym! Release those endorphins!

3. Write it down! Make a to-do list, journal your feelings and thoughts, or draw if you feel artsy!

4. Declutter your surroundings! My brain often feels more cluttered when everything around me is cluttered, which is a problem because I have difficulty keeping my physical spaces clean and organized. I have found that there are ways that I organize that are different from “normalized” ways to organize, so you do you, boo!

5. Do less! I have an issue: I need to complete everything on my to-do list on the same day, so I wait until I have the motivation to complete everything all at once. The problem? That motivation NEVER comes because the tasks continue to build and build! Yikes! It also causes my mind to become overwhelmed and overloaded, so not even the most important things get done. I am slowly learning to pick a few things to do each day, making me feel calmer knowing that I have less to do the next day. Give it a shot!

Hopefully this will also help you to create healthy, sustainable habits while also reducing stress and anxiety. Take one day at a time, one little bit at a time! Here’s to a fresh start to a new season of feeling refreshed and positive!

Foster Parent Luncheon Recap

On Saturday, Nov. 11, the advocacy team at CMFCAA hosted a Foster Parent Luncheon. At this luncheon, we were able to discuss issues with permanency and get a better understanding of the Reasonable and Prudent Parent Standard. So many of our wonderful caregivers shared their concerns with children in care for more than the 22-month timeframe that Children’s Division states there should be. It makes sense why there are so many frustrations!

Every child deserves a home they feel they can “plant their roots” in. Our new Extreme Family Finding™ supervisor, Shannon McPherson, shed some light on why this can sometimes take longer than 22 months. When the case goal is reunification, the biological parents are given steps they can take to ensure proper care and safety for their children in the event they are returned home to them. Sometimes parents follow the plan, and others do not. For the parents that follow the plan, they sometimes “fall off the wagon” and that extends the time the case is open as they try to pick themselves back up again. McPherson encouraged our caregivers to be mindful of how the experience of their children being removed has affected the biological parents. She shared a story of one mom missing the first few months of visits with her biological son because she was so filled with guilt that he had been removed that she could not face him. McPherson also said some parents do not want to be parents, but are still given the opportunity to change their ways within that 22 months by Children’s Division.

It can be very difficult to watch the child in your care experience all the emotions, and trauma in some cases, when they are working the reunification plan. However, as hard as it is, we need to try our hardest to not villainize the biological parents because this experience was traumatic for them as well. Being consistently loving and consistently caring for the child (or children) in your care during this experience is exactly what they are needing until permanency can take place!

Champions of Change

Let’s talk about something challenging: change. Have you ever realized that the word “change” is within the word “challenge?” It’s pretty fitting, honestly. Change happens all around us all the time, so why is it sometimes so difficult to experience it? Change is hard because it results in our normal being disrupted. What we were comfortable with is no longer happening, what was expected is now unexpected, and everything seems to be full of unknowns. There are so many situations in which change is brought about, such as moving out of your parents’ house, moving states, getting married, getting a new job, getting a new boss, learning new policies that weren’t there before, and growing your family – whether that be through childbirth or accepting a new placement. When you accept a child to come into your home, both of you are going through a lot of change at the same time. The child was just removed from everything they have ever known, and even though it is for the best in the long run, they may not see it that way right off the bat. You went from having either no children or fewer children in your home to having a child there without having the typical nine months a birth parent has to prepare for that child. That is a major change! That child (or children) will change your life – positively or negatively. Even the challenging ones will change your life in such a way that will teach you life lessons you didn’t even know you needed, leading to your personal growth.

Change brings growth as we learn new things that help us develop our skills, expanding the capabilities that we have inside of us all along. When we embrace change, we learn how to become more adaptable and flexible. Our strengths are exposed as we wrestle through the discomfort of unlearning the comfortable and learning the new normal. However, change is not always going to be positive. There are going to be setbacks, and that’s okay! It is important to identify the change that is happening and the emotions that come along with it. It is normal to feel frustrated after you have tried everything with the kiddo in your home and their behaviors don’t seem to be getting better. It is normal to feel stressed when changes in your job make you question your capabilities or job security. It is normal to feel angry when what was normal is now disrupted and you can’t figure out how to make it better. Embracing change is hard! There are, however, ways to make it easier on yourself.

Embracing change starts with a positive mindset. Everything will always seem negative if the negative is all you are looking for. Instead of saying, “Their behaviors are so out of control, I don’t even want to be around them anymore,” try saying, “They have been through a lot, and so have I. This is going to take some time. It’s okay for me to take a break. I may need to take a different approach.” Instead of thinking, “These changes are pointless, everything was great before [blank] happened and caused all this uncertainty,” try thinking, “I’m interested in seeing what skills I will develop and what opportunities are presented to me from this.” If you expect positives, you will see positives!

Give yourself grace! Unlearning your old habits and routines to develop new ones takes time and work. See if you can find a support system for individuals going through something similar to you. I can guarantee you are not the only one experiencing changes in your home life, work life, or both at the same time! A support system will help you realize you are not alone in your experiences and your feelings with said changes. Be wary of the people who will pull you deeper into the resistance of change. It is very important to encourage one another to keep pushing forward towards embracing change!

Finally, tell yourself positive affirmations! Affirmations aid in challenging negative thoughts and behaviors. Here are some you may want to try:

• I have the power and strength to overcome obstacles.

• I believe I have what it takes to succeed.

• I am filled with goodness and kindness.

• Forgiving others helps me move forward.

• I am determined to live each day to the fullest.

• I am excited about the opportunities coming my way.

• I inspire those around me with my actions.

• I release fear and embrace joy.

• I have unlimited potential.

• No matter what happens, I will be okay.

You can do this! Remember that change takes time. We live in a world of immediate gratification, and it is so easy to get caught up in the thought that success happens overnight. I encourage you tostick with it and persevere! You are a champion of change!

Category: Mental Health Corner